Where is my motivation?

It seems I have been neglecting you my blog.... I lost my motivation. I am just going through the motions - I go work out with my trainer 3 times a week, that should be a good thing, but my trainer pointed out today that sure I'm there, but why am I there? She has a point. I'm there because I paid for sessions and have a good time spot and don't want to not be there, but I should be there because I WANT TO BE THERE! I WANT TO BE HEALTHIER. I WANT TO WEIGH LESS. Now, how do I convince myself these things are true? That's the tricky part.

I know I want to weigh less and be healthier, but see, when I am tired all the time, my mind starts thinking sleeping is the answer to all or at least eating carbs and sugar because that gives me energy. I know I know, those options are bad, but when you can't stay awake long enough to eat dinner at the end of the day it's hard sometimes. I have no choice but to stay awake during work hours, I'm at work and value my job, so I make choices that help me short term, and that usually ends up hurting that weight loss goal.... What to do... Yes I am seeing a sleep doctor, but at this point we still have no answers, just meds to help stay awake. It's really hard not knowing sometimes because it is a never ending cycle. Yes yes I'm happy, it's not depression, it really is sleep issues, done the sleep study, but still not for sure answers on it. UGH!!!

So I am going to try to find my motivation again and try to start blogging again. Maybe it will help.

This week I have to try to get in 2 other days besides my days with the trainer. I get 2 cheat days each week per my trainer, but the rest of the week I must be good!!!!

So far today I had a 100 calorie chocolate milk and a quaker breakfast cookie... (Was feeling not hungry this morning before my workout so that was all I could stomach.)

Just boiled some eggs, so post workout is hard boiled egg and a banana.

Lunch will be a spicy peanut pasta with chicken - not the healthiest, but within my calorie goal.

Dinner is grilled steak and salad. Will try for a afternoon snack, but that is usually the hardest to squeeze in because of work. Will take with me though some cheese and a special k fruit crisp!